How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
