420 ftw
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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