i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
