my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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