for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
