dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
