So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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