Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
