i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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