I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
worst night to have a conscience
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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