I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
