Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
