upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
