think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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