i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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