Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
