Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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