i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
