Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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