My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
