the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
These tits shall not be calmed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
