The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
