You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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