it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
