Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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