So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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