Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
