I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize