Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
