This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
