I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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