she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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