Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.