If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment