Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
