So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The feeling are messing with the penis
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
