I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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