Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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