i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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