i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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