You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
