So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize