Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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