my mouth tastes like poor choices
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
