you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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