Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
