I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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