Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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