Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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