If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
