Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
