Don't you send me to vm
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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