The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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