??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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