Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
