I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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