Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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