He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
