No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
