I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
