so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize
